Locked In my body for three years: My Life with Severe FND

When people look at me today, they see a young man finding his feet—literally. They see the London trips and the advocacy. But to understand my mental health today, you have to understand the silence I lived in for years.

My journey with Functional Neurological Disorder (FND) didn’t start with a slow decline; it hit like a lightning bolt when I was 13. One day I was a healthy teenager then within a few weeks I lost my ability to walk and talk. After months in hospital I was diagnosed with severe FND. I was left suddenly and severely disabled, having all my abilities taken away from me. For a long time, I was a prisoner in my own skin. For six months my mind switched off and I didn’t know who or what anything was. My brain and body completely shut down on me. I was bedridden as a result of my condition. My body couldn’t tolerate sitting in any type of equipment apart from my hospital bed. The only place my body felt comfortable was on my bed. FND combined with Catatonia and Dystonia caused me to be bed bound. I felt trapped inside my own body.

Developing a severe disability as a teenager is a life changing experience. At an age where you’re supposed to be gaining independence, finding your first job, and hanging out with friends, my world shrunk to the four walls of a bedroom. I lost all my abilities, independence and freedom to FND.

Mentally, it is really hard. You don’t just lose your physical abilities; you feel like you’ve lost your future. I watched the world move on through a window, while I was stuck in a body that felt like it had “misfired.” Dealing with FND at that age meant fighting a battle that most adults couldn’t even comprehend, all while trying to figure out who I was. I wasn’t able to return to education post being bedridden due to my ongoing physical and mental health challenges so I was home tutored by a wonderful company called Simply Sensory Training and support. We did day trips, sensory and rehabilitation sessions and lots of fun activities together.

The impact on my mental health was massive. Because FND is a problem with the “software” of the brain rather than the “hardware” (like an MRI scan), it is often misunderstood. In the early days, that lack of understanding from the world can make you feel incredibly isolated. The emotional scars that FND has left me are still felt to this day. I can suffer with emotional difficulties and difficult feelings like anxiety.

I’ve lived with severe FND since childhood, and it has shaped every part of who I am. It took five years before I could walk again and a year to find my voice. But through that struggle, I found a different kind of strength. I don’t remember the world as I used to know it but I now look at life differently.

My Mental Makeover wasn’t about becoming “better”; it was about determination to achieve my dreams. Eventually when I was well enough I’m pleased to say I’ve done just that. I’ve been to my favourite place London many times, I’ve met some of my favourite celebrities and now I’m pushing to raise awareness.

Today, I’m learning to walk again, I’m talking, and I’m heading to London whenever I can. The shadows of those bedridden years are still there, but they don’t worry me anymore. They remind me of how far I’ve come. I’m more determined than ever to not let my illness hold me back from doing anything.